Twas The Night Before Christmas Covid Funny Version

'Twas the Night Before Christmas: A COVID-19 Funny Version

Introduction:

Remember the magic of Christmas Eve? The hushed excitement, the anticipation of Santa's arrival? Well, 2020 (and let's be honest, the years following) threw a pandemic-sized wrench into that idyllic image. This post delivers a hilarious, relatable reimagining of Clement Clarke Moore's classic poem, infused with the absurdity and unique challenges of celebrating Christmas during the COVID-19 era. Get ready to chuckle (and maybe cringe a little) as we revisit Christmas Eve through a COVID-tinted lens. We'll explore the sanitized Santa, the socially distanced reindeer, the rapid antigen tests under the tree, and more – all in good fun, of course! Prepare for a dose of nostalgic laughter and a reminder of the resilience of the human spirit, even during a global pandemic.

Chapter 1: The Socially Distanced Santa

The night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse…
Except for my family, glued to the news,
Discussing the Omicron variant and its various hues.


The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
But this year, Santa's arrival was quite a scene,
Complete with a mask, gloves, and hand sanitizer, pristine.


He wore a face shield, a hazmat suit, and some boots,
His sleigh had a HEPA filter to remove airborne hoots!
The reindeer wore masks, socially distanced, you see,
Maintaining six feet, as per the new decree.

Chapter 2: Rapid Antigen Tests Under the Tree

The children all snug in their beds, were dreaming,
Of presents galore, and a Christmas day gleaming.
But first, a test! Under the tree, there they lay,
Rapid antigen kits to brighten their day.


"A test before presents!" exclaimed little Sue,
"But this isn't quite what I had in mind, it's true!"
With a nasal swab, the kids felt a sting,
A test before presents – the strangest of things.

Chapter 3: The Zoom Christmas Eve Call

And Mom in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a Zoom Christmas chat,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter.


Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the blinds, and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave the lustre of midday to objects below.


But instead of Santa, it was Aunt Millie's face,
On a Zoom call, maintaining a healthy space.
She wished us a Merry Christmas, from her distant abode,
While sharing her cookie recipe, loaded with code.

Chapter 4: The Pandemic Pivot – Christmas Dinner

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature Christmas feast, banishing fear.
No large gatherings this year, just a smaller affair,
With hand sanitizer readily available to share.


The turkey was smaller, the ham was quite lean,
But the joy was still present, the spirit pristine.
We raised a virtual toast, to the year that had passed,
And wished for a brighter, healthier future, amassed.

Chapter 5: A COVID Christmas Carol

The year brought its challenges, its struggles and strife,
But the spirit of Christmas still glowed in our lives.
We learned to adapt, to connect in new ways,
And found joy in the simple things, through these pandemic days.


So let us all cherish this Christmas, however strange,
And remember the lessons that this year did arrange.
For even in hardship, joy will still rise,
Like a vaccine rollout, a hopeful surprise.


Article Outline:

Title: 'Twas the Night Before Christmas: A COVID-19 Funny Version

Introduction: Hooking the reader with a humorous take on the classic poem.
Chapter 1: The Socially Distanced Santa: A retelling of the poem incorporating COVID-19 safety measures.
Chapter 2: Rapid Antigen Tests Under the Tree: Humorous portrayal of Christmas morning testing.
Chapter 3: The Zoom Christmas Eve Call: Highlighting virtual Christmas celebrations.
Chapter 4: The Pandemic Pivot – Christmas Dinner: Focusing on the adaptation of Christmas traditions.
Chapter 5: A COVID Christmas Carol: Concluding with a reflection on resilience and hope.
Conclusion: Recap and final thoughts on the humorous adaptation.
FAQs: Addressing common reader queries.
Related Articles: List of relevant blog posts.


(The detailed content for each chapter is provided above in the article itself.)


Conclusion:

'Twas the night before Christmas, a year unlike any other, but the spirit of Christmas endured, even amidst masks, social distancing, and rapid antigen tests. The pandemic tested our resilience, but it also highlighted the importance of connection, adaptation, and the enduring power of laughter. May this humorous reimagining of a classic Christmas tale bring a smile to your face and warm your heart this holiday season!


FAQs:

1. Is this poem a direct rewrite of the original? No, this is a humorous adaptation incorporating elements of the COVID-19 pandemic.

2. What is the tone of the poem? Lighthearted, humorous, and relatable.

3. Who is the target audience? Anyone who experienced Christmas during the COVID-19 pandemic and appreciates a good laugh.

4. What is the main message of the poem? Even in challenging times, the spirit of Christmas endures.

5. Are there any specific COVID-19 related elements mentioned? Yes, masks, social distancing, rapid antigen tests, and Zoom calls are featured.

6. Is this poem suitable for children? Yes, with parental guidance, as some concepts may need explanation.

7. Can this poem be used for a Christmas card? Yes, it could be adapted for that purpose.

8. Where can I find the original poem? Easily searchable online – "Twas the Night Before Christmas" by Clement Clarke Moore.

9. What makes this poem unique? Its unique blend of nostalgia, humor, and relatability concerning the COVID-19 experience.


Related Articles:

1. The Pandemic's Impact on Christmas Traditions: Explores how COVID-19 altered festive celebrations globally.

2. Virtual Christmas: A Guide to Connecting Remotely: Offers advice on hosting virtual Christmas gatherings.

3. Humorous Pandemic Memes & Jokes: A collection of funny internet content about COVID-19.

4. The Psychology of Holiday Stress During a Pandemic: Discusses the mental health aspects of festive seasons amidst a global crisis.

5. Creative Ways to Celebrate Christmas on a Budget: Provides tips for budget-friendly festive celebrations.

6. The Evolution of Christmas Decorations Through the Years: A historical perspective on Christmas decorations.

7. Christmas Movies That Capture the Spirit of the Season: A list of heartwarming and festive movies.

8. How to Stay Safe During the Holiday Season: Provides advice on COVID-19 safety during the holidays.

9. The History and Origin of "Twas the Night Before Christmas": Delves into the background of the classic poem.


  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: The Great Realization Tomos Roberts (Tomfoolery), 2020-09-01 Selected by Today as a book to ease kids’ anxiety about coronavirus.” We all need hope. Humans have an extraordinary capacity to battle through adversity, but only if they have something to cling onto: a belief or hope that maybe, one day, things will be better. This idea sparked The Great Realization. Sharing the truths we may find hard to tell but also celebrating the things—from simple acts of kindness and finding joy in everyday activities, to the creativity within us all—that have brought us together during lockdown, it gives us hope in this time of global crisis. Written for his younger brother and sister in response to the Covid-19 pandemic, Tomos Roberts’s heartfelt poem is as timely as it is timeless. Its message of hope and resilience, of rebirth and renewal, has captured the hearts of children and adults all over the globe—and the glimpse it offers of a fairer, kinder, more sustainable world continues to inspire thousands every day. With Tomos Roberts’s heartfelt poem and beautiful illustrations by award-winning artist Nomoco, The Great Realization is a profound work, at once striking and reassuring, reminding readers young and old that in the face of adversity there are still dreams to be dreamt and kindnesses to be shared and hope. There is still hope. We now call it The Great Realization and, yes, since then there have been many. But that’s the story of how it started . . . and why hindsight’s 2020.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: 'Twas Nochebuena Roseanne Greenfield Thong, 2014-10-16 ’Twas Nochebuena and all through our casa, every creature was kneading tamale masa... It’s Christmas Eve, and you’re invited to a Nochebuena celebration! Follow a family as they prepare to host a night filled with laughter, love, and Latino tradition. Make tasty tamales and hang colorful adornos (decorations) on the walls. Gather to sing festive canciones (songs) while sipping champurrado (hot chocolate). After the midnight feast has been served and the last gifts have been unwrapped, it’s time to cheer, “Feliz Navidad and to all a good night!” Savor the magic of Nochebuena with a holiday tale you’ll want to read again and again.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: 'Twas the Night Before Christmas at My House , 2021-10-01 A classic Christmas story featuring all the magic of Santa combined with the magic of your favorite city, state, or country. It's the night before Christmas and you're nestled snug in your bed. Your stocking is hung by the chimney with care—will Santa visit your house? Follow Santa's journey in this magical retelling of a Christmas classic starring the locations and landmarks that make the place where you live special!
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Twas The Nightshift Before Christmas Adam Kay, 2019-10-17 The number one Sunday Times bestseller in a new festive package, Twas the Nightshift Before Christmas is the perfect stocking filler from the author of multi-million-copy bestseller This is Going to Hurt – now a major BBC TV series. Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat . . . but 1.4 million NHS staff are heading off to work. In this perfect present for anyone who has ever set foot in a hospital, Adam Kay delves back into his diaries for a hilarious, horrifying and sometimes heartbreaking peek behind the blue curtain at Christmastime. This is a love letter to all those who spend their festive season on the front line, removing babies and baubles from the various places they get stuck, at the most wonderful time of the year. ‘The perfect surgical stocking-filler’ The Times
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Frosty the Snowman (Frosty the Snowman) Diane Muldrow, 2001-09-04 Celebrate the holidays with everyone's favorite snowman with a magic hat, a button nose, and eyes made out of coal! Based on the beloved 1969 television special, this timeless classic Little Golden Book retells the whole magical story of Frosty the Snowman. A perfect Christmas gift for boys and girls 2–5!
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Patrick, Patron Saint of Ireland Tomie De Paola, 1992 Relates the life and legends of Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Go the F**k to Sleep Adam Mansbach, 2011-06-14 The #1 New York Times Bestseller: “A hilarious take on that age-old problem: getting the beloved child to go to sleep” (NPR). “Hell no, you can’t go to the bathroom. You know where you can go? The f**k to sleep.” Go the Fuck to Sleep is a book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate, and radically honest, it captures the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night. Read by a host of celebrities, from Samuel L. Jackson to Jennifer Garner, this subversively funny bestselling storybook will not actually put your kids to sleep, but it will leave you laughing so hard you won’t care.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Night Before Christmas Clement Moore, 2005-06-28 This title is intended for ages 3 to 8 years. Here is the classic and beloved story written by Clement Clarke Moore. It is illustrated with beautiful, traditional watercolors by artist Donald Mills.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Don "The Snake" Prudhomme: My Life Beyond the 1320 Elana Scherr, Don Prudhomme, 2020-10-16 Don The Snake Prudhomme reveals for the first time ever his incredible life and career on and off of the drag strip.<p>Imagine spending a year with Don The Snake Prudhomme, having coffee together and talking about his life, his racing, his friends, and his family. He’d tell you about how he rose from being a high school drop-out who was painting cars to a respected Top Fuel dragster driver and successful businessman. You’d hear how he toured the country with Tommy Ivo and The Hawaiian Roland Leong, racing all the legends from Big Daddy Don Garlits to The Golden Greek [Chris] Karamesines. He'd say how he met Tom McEwen and recall how they became the Snake and the Mongoose, leading to a career in Funny Cars that netted him four championships in a row. He'd talk about the thrill of first wins and owning his own teams but also the struggles of bad seasons, crashes and fires, broken parts, and broken contracts. Along the way, he’d speak about the people in his life, such as engine-builder Keith Black and NHRA president Wally Parks, and those who were killed in the wild and unpredictable sport of nitro racing. It wouldn’t be only racing, though. Prudhomme would share lessons he learned about business and life from such varied sources as a neighbor in Granada Hills to Ford GT40 driver Dan Gurney. He also would talk about the importance of family: how his wife, Lynn, and daughter, Donna, changed his world and how finding out about his African-American roots opened his eyes to a culture and inheritance he’d always wanted. This is the experience you’ll get in Don The Snake Prudhomme: My Life Beyond the 1320.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: 'Twas the Night Before Christmas in Vermont , 2021-10 A classic Christmas story featuring all the magic of Santa combined with the magic of your favorite city, state, or country. It's the night before Christmas and you're nestled snug in your bed. Your stocking is hung by the chimney with care--will Santa visit your house? Follow Santa's journey in this magical retelling of a Christmas classic starring the locations and landmarks that make the place where you live special!
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook Deb Perelman, 2012-10-30 NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLER • Celebrated food blogger and best-selling cookbook author Deb Perelman knows just the thing for a Tuesday night, or your most special occasion—from salads and slaws that make perfect side dishes (or a full meal) to savory tarts and galettes; from Mushroom Bourguignon to Chocolate Hazelnut Crepe. “Innovative, creative, and effortlessly funny. —Cooking Light Deb Perelman loves to cook. She isn’t a chef or a restaurant owner—she’s never even waitressed. Cooking in her tiny Manhattan kitchen was, at least at first, for special occasions—and, too often, an unnecessarily daunting venture. Deb found herself overwhelmed by the number of recipes available to her. Have you ever searched for the perfect birthday cake on Google? You’ll get more than three million results. Where do you start? What if you pick a recipe that’s downright bad? With the same warmth, candor, and can-do spirit her award-winning blog, Smitten Kitchen, is known for, here Deb presents more than 100 recipes—almost entirely new, plus a few favorites from the site—that guarantee delicious results every time. Gorgeously illustrated with hundreds of her beautiful color photographs, The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook is all about approachable, uncompromised home cooking. Here you’ll find better uses for your favorite vegetables: asparagus blanketing a pizza; ratatouille dressing up a sandwich; cauliflower masquerading as pesto. These are recipes you’ll bookmark and use so often they become your own, recipes you’ll slip to a friend who wants to impress her new in-laws, and recipes with simple ingredients that yield amazing results in a minimum amount of time. Deb tells you her favorite summer cocktail; how to lose your fear of cooking for a crowd; and the essential items you need for your own kitchen. From salads and slaws that make perfect side dishes (or a full meal) to savory tarts and galettes; from Mushroom Bourguignon to Chocolate Hazelnut Crepe Cake, Deb knows just the thing for a Tuesday night, or your most special occasion. Look for Deb Perelman’s latest cookbook, Smitten Kitchen Keepers!
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Poems of Healing Karl Kirchwey, 2021-03-30 A remarkable Pocket Poets anthology of poems from around the world and across the centuries about illness and healing, both physical and spiritual. From ancient Greece and Rome up to the present moment, poets have responded with sensitivity and insight to the troubles of the human body and mind. Poems of Healing gathers a treasury of such poems, tracing the many possible journeys of physical and spiritual illness, injury, and recovery, from John Donne’s “Hymne to God My God, In My Sicknesse” and Emily Dickinson’s “The Soul has Bandaged moments” to Eavan Boland’s “Anorexic,” from W.H. Auden’s “Miss Gee” to Lucille Clifton’s “Cancer,” and from D.H. Lawrence’s “The Ship of Death” to Rafael Campo’s “Antidote” and Seamus Heaney’s “Miracle.” Here are poems from around the world, by Sappho, Milton, Baudelaire, Longfellow, Cavafy, and Omar Khayyam; by Stevens, Lowell, and Plath; by Zbigniew Herbert, Louise Bogan, Yehuda Amichai, Mark Strand, and Natalia Toledo. Messages of hope in the midst of pain—in such moving poems as Adam Zagajewski’s “Try to Praise the Mutilated World,” George Herbert’s “The Flower,” Wisława Szymborska’s “The End and the Beginning,” Gwendolyn Brooks’ “when you have forgotten Sunday: the love story” and Stevie Smith’s “Away, Melancholy”—make this the perfect gift to accompany anyone on a journey of healing. Everyman's Library pursues the highest production standards, printing on acid-free cream-colored paper, with full-cloth cases with two-color foil stamping, decorative endpapers, silk ribbon markers, European-style half-round spines, and a full-color illustrated jacket.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Medcomic Jorge Muniz, 2018-03 Finally, studying is fun. Medcomic's combination of art, humor, and medicine makes it easy to recall information and pass exams.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Blood Heir Ilona Andrews, 2021-01-12 From award-winning author, Ilona Andrews, an all-new novel set in the New York Times #1 bestselling Kate Daniels World and featuring Julie Lennart-Olsen, Kate and Curran's ward. Atlanta was always a dangerous city. Now, as waves of magic and technology compete for supremacy, it’s a place caught in a slow apocalypse, where monsters spawn among the crumbling skyscrapers and supernatural factions struggle for power and survival. Eight years ago, Julie Lennart left Atlanta to find out who she was. Now she’s back with a new face, a new magic, and a new name—Aurelia Ryder—drawn by the urgent need to protect the family she left behind. An ancient power is stalking her adopted mother, Kate Daniels, an enemy unlike any other, and a string of horrifying murders is its opening gambit. If Aurelia’s true identity is discovered, those closest to her will die. So her plan is simple: get in, solve the murders, prevent the prophecy from being fulfilled, and get out without being recognized. She expected danger, but she never anticipated that the only man she'd ever loved could threaten everything. One small misstep could lead to disaster. But for Aurelia, facing disaster is easy; it’s relationships that are hard.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Deep Waters Kim M. Clark, 2018-10-15 Deep Waters: Lift Your Gaze is a beacon of light to those who are going through difficult times. This book combines solid biblical teaching, sweet prophetic poems, and powerful intercessory prayers for the reader. It also provides the rare opportunity for personal reflection through each chapter's application questions and prayer journal.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: The Secret History of Home Economics: How Trailblazing Women Harnessed the Power of Home and Changed the Way We Live Danielle Dreilinger, 2021-05-04 The surprising, often fiercely feminist, always fascinating, yet barely known, history of home economics. The term “home economics” may conjure traumatic memories of lopsided hand-sewn pillows or sunken muffins. But common conception obscures the story of the revolutionary science of better living. The field exploded opportunities for women in the twentieth century by reducing domestic work and providing jobs as professors, engineers, chemists, and businesspeople. And it has something to teach us today. In the surprising, often fiercely feminist and always fascinating The Secret History of Home Economics, Danielle Dreilinger traces the field’s history from Black colleges to Eleanor Roosevelt to Okinawa, from a Betty Crocker brigade to DIY techies. These women—and they were mostly women—became chemists and marketers, studied nutrition, health, and exercise, tested parachutes, created astronaut food, and took bold steps in childhood development and education. Home economics followed the currents of American culture even as it shaped them. Dreilinger brings forward the racism within the movement along with the strides taken by women of color who were influential leaders and innovators. She also looks at the personal lives of home economics’ women, as they chose to be single, share lives with other women, or try for egalitarian marriages. This groundbreaking and engaging history restores a denigrated subject to its rightful importance, as it reminds us that everyone should learn how to cook a meal, balance their account, and fight for a better world.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: The Christmas Story Jane Werner Watson, 2013-11-27 Share the true meaning of Christmas with your children this holiday season. This simple but poetic text brings to life the story of Jesus' birth in a stable in Bethlehem. First published in 1952, this Little Golden Book adaption of the Christmas story was illustrated by beloved artist Eloise Wilkin. This classic picture book retelling of the Christmas story is a perfect gift for the holidays.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: All I Want for Christmas Is Ewe Rose Rossner, 2021-09-07 Wrap your little one in love with this sweet and funny Christmas board book during the most punderful time of the year! Wish your little sugarplum a beary Merry Christmas and jingle all the way with this heartwarming story for babies and toddlers! Combining beautiful illustrations, charming animal puns, and the evergreen message of love, All I Want for Christmas is Ewe is a moovelous way to celebrate the season and share your love for each otter. For fans of the USA Today bestseller I Love You Like No Otter, this cute holiday treat is the best book gift for kids and animal lovers ages 0-3—made just for their little hands! The perfect addition to any Christmas gift for kids, holiday stocking stuffer, baby shower gift, or festive read aloud. More charming stories from Punderland, the perfect gift for any occasion I Love You Like No Otter I Love You More, Babysaur Somebunny Loves You Donut Give Up Happy Meow-loween, Little Pumpkin and more! Christmas is here, my sweet little deer! The most magical, wonderful time of the year. Season's tweetings have just begun! Snuggles, joy, and holiday fun.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Are You Grumpy, Santa? Gregg Spiridellis, 2008-09-16 Sometimes even the merriest, most cheerful guy on the planet wakes up on the wrong side of the bed… First, after a restless night due to Mrs. Claus's snoring, Santa awakes on Christmas morning and stubs his toe. Then the elves shrink his suit, his sleigh gets buried in a snowdrift, and he gets stuck in a chimney. Santa’s had just about enough! But just in the nick of time, he discovers a very special gift of milk and cookies waiting for him. As he munches on the delicious snack, Santa's remembers what Christmas is all about—the gift of love—and, merrily, his grumpies melt away. Now available as a board book, this merrily irreverent Yuletide story, brought to life by Gregg and Evan Spiridellis, will tickle funny bones and touch hearts far and wide.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: This Is How Your Marriage Ends Matthew Fray, 2022-03-22 A thoughtful, down-to-earth, contemporary guide to help partners identify and address relationship-killing behavior patterns in their own lives. Good people can be bad at relationships. One night during his divorce, after one too many vodkas and a call with a phone-in-therapist who told him to “journal his feelings,” Matthew Fray started a blog. He needed to figure out how his ex-wife went from the eighteen-year-old college freshman who adored him to the angry woman who thought he was an asshole and left him. As he pieced together the story of his marriage and its end, Matthew began to realize a hard truth: even though he was a decent guy, he was a bad husband. As he shared raw, uncomfortable, and darkly humorous first-person stories about the lessons he’d learned from his failed marriage, a peculiar thing happened. Matthew started to gain a following. In January 2016 a post he wrote—“She Divorced Me Because I left the Dishes by the Sink”—went viral and was read over four million times. Filtered through the lens of his own surprising, life-changing experience and his years counseling couples, This Is How Your Marriage Ends exposes the root problem of so many relationships that go wrong. We simply haven’t been taught any of the necessary skills, Matthew explains. In fact, it is sometimes the assumption that we are acting on good intentions that causes us to alienate our partners and foment mistrust. With the humorous, entertaining, and counterintuitive approach of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, and the practical insights of The 5 Love Languages, This is How Your Marriage Ends helps readers identify relationship-killing behavior patterns in their own lives, and offers solutions to break free from the cycles of dysfunction and destruction. It is must-read for every partner no matter what stage–beginning, middle, or even end—of your relationship.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: The Berenstain Bears' St. Patrick's Day Mike Berenstain, 2021-01-05 Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with the Berenstain Bears! This 8x8 storybook is the latest holiday adventure for the bestselling Bear family. Join Papa, Mama, and the cubs as Gramps introduces them to some of the traditions most associated with the holiday, from gathering to enjoy a parade down Main Street to leprechauns and pots of gold. The silly fun starts with Gramps leading the family to dress all in green, with green cloverleaves to wear. After he introduces the legend of the leprechaun, the cubs dream of traveling to a green and pleasant land... When they wake, they're sitting in their folding chairs on Main Street in Bear Town. and there's a parade to cheer! The parade includes marching bands and dancers; pipers piping and harpers harping; and the whole Bear Town police and fire departments.. The parade winds up with a troupe of bears dressed as leprechauns, each carrying a pot of gold. Young Berenstain Bears fans will enjoy giggling along as the cubs learn about St. Patrick's Day.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Save Yourself Cameron Esposito, 2020-03-24 This hilarious and honest bestselling memoir from a rising comedy star tackles issues of gender, sexuality, feminism, and the Catholic childhood that prepared her for a career as an outspoken lesbian comedian (Abby Wambach). Cameron Esposito wanted to be a priest and ended up a stand-up comic. Now she would like to tell the whole queer as hell story. Her story. Not the sidebar to a straight person's rebirth-she doesn't give a makeover or plan a wedding or get a couple back together. This isn't a queer tragedy. She doesn't die at the end of this book, having finally decided to kiss the girl. It's the sexy, honest, bumpy, and triumphant dyke's tale her younger, wasn't-allowed-to-watch-Ellen self needed to read. Because there was a long time when she thought she wouldn't make it. Not as a comic, but as a human. SAVE YOURSELF is full of funny and insightful recollections about everything from coming out (at a Catholic college where sexual orientation wasn't in the nondiscrimination policy) to how joining the circus can help you become a better comic (so much nudity) to accepting yourself for who you are-even if you're, say, a bowl cut-sporting, bespectacled, gender-nonconforming child with an eye patch (which Cameron was). Packed with heart, humor, and cringeworthy stories anyone who has gone through puberty, fallen in love, started a career, or had period sex in Rome can relate to, Cameron's memoir is for that timid, fenced-in kid in all of us-and the fearless stand-up yearning to break free. INDIE BESTSELLERWASHINGTON POST BESTSELLERSEATTLE TIMES BESTSELLER ONE OF BUSTLE'S MOST ANTICIPATED BOOKS OF MARCH
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: See Inside the Microscopic World Rosie Dickins, 2022-03 An incredible lift-the-flap look at a world invisible to human eyes This book peers through the microscope to reveal TINY unimaginable wonders. Discover bizarre minibeasts and peculiar plants, meet the millions of microbes that live around and inside you, and marvel at miniature technology. The perfect introduction to a fascinating area of science.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: The Wood Chelsea Bobulski, 2017-08-01 An enchanted wood poisoned at the roots. A girl bound by an inherited duty. And the lost traveler from another time who might help her uncover the truth. From debut author Chelsea Bobulski comes The Wood, a YA novel filled with dark mystery and atmospheric fantasy. Winter didn't ask to be the guardian of the wood, but when her dad inexplicably vanishes, she's the one who must protect travelers who accidentally slip through the wood's portals. The wood is poisoned, changing into something more sinister. Once brightly colored leaves are now bubbling inky black. Vicious creatures that live in the shadows are becoming bolder, torturing lost travelers. Winter must now put her trust in Henry—a young man from eighteenth century England who knows more than he should about the wood—in order to find the truth and those they've lost. Bobulski's beautiful and eerie young adult debut, is a haunting tale of friendship, family, and the responsibilities we choose and those we do not.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Corpsing Kayleigh Marie Edwards, 2017-07 Respected horror author Kayleigh Marie Edwards collects her short stories into one volume of horrific humour.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Bread for Words Shana Keller, 2020-01-15 Frederick Douglass knew where he was born but not when. He knew his grandmother but not his father. And as a young child, there were other questions, such as Why am I a slave? Answers to those questions might have eluded him but Douglass did know for certain that learning to read and to write would be the first step in his quest for freedom and his fight for equality. Told from first-person perspective, this picture-book biography draws from the real-life experiences of a young Frederick Douglass and his attempts to learn how to read and write. Author Shana Keller (Ticktock Banneker's Clock) personalizes the text for young readers, using some of Douglass's own words. The lyrical title comes from how Douglass paid other children to teach him.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Happily Ticked Off Andrea R. Frazer, 2015-12-01 Former Hollywood sitcom writer and funny girl Andrea R. Frazer thought she had it all: a hunky husband, two gorgeous kids, a house in the 'burbs . . . but when her son was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome, a disorder that causes uncontrollable tics and twitches, her fantasy life imploded. Terrified, she feared he would bark, scream and curse in circle time. Turns out the only person who barked, screamed and cursed was Andrea, as she went head-to-head with this confusing condition. From diet to meds, shrinks to therapists, Frazer has written a no-holds-barred mom-moir about the realities of raising a kid on the spectrum. It isn't always pretty, but it's real, and if you're as scared as she was, clarity can look pretty darn gorgeous. Written with humor, transparency and most importantly, hope, it's Andrea's desire that this book will hold the hand of every special needs parent. May it whisper in your ear, 'You did not cause this condition. Stop blaming yourself. You are not alone.' And while you're at it, eat a taco. Life is better with a little food. (Trust me on this one.) ~ Andrea
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Llama Llama Jingle Bells Anna Dewdney, 2014-10-21 It’s almost Christmas! Time for gift giving, song singing, and cookie decorating. Llama Llama and Mama celebrate the holidays in this fifth board book by Anna Dewdney.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Bikram Yoga : The Original Hot Yoga Bikram Chaudhury, 2013-07-18 Leave your assumptions - and your excuses - at the door. Bikram Choudhury, the world's foremost authority on Hot Yoga, is here to show you the true way to self-improvement and a new love of life. Based on a centuries-old and scientifically proven pathway to health, Bikram Yoga will whip your body, mind, and spirit into shape. Bikram's signature program of twenty-six postures and two breathing exercises will help you combat a variety of afflictions - from stress and insomnia to arthritis and back pain - and maintain exceptional health for years to come. The various postures work your muscles, increase flexibility, and flush toxins out of your system - a completely natural, full-body workout without the unhealthy stresses and dangers of a gym. Additionally, Bikram Yoga can help you do much more than drop inches from your belly. Bikram explains how practicing yoga is also a mental and spiritual mission that can help you create a path to true happiness. When it comes to love and marriage, realizing your full potential, or living a life in perfect balance, Bikram's yogic philosophy shows you how physical strength and flexibility can be a gateway to mental clarity and spiritual calm. So are you ready to achieve lasting health and happiness? The time has come for Bikram Yoga. Grab your mat and get ready to change your life.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Shiver The Whole Night Through Darragh McManus, 2014-11-06 A small town in Ireland, a chilling mystery, a teenage detective - and a message from the dead After months of misery and feeling ready to end it all, Aidan Flood wakes up one morning to find that local beauty and town sweetheart Sláine McAuley has done just that. Aidan suddenly discovers a new sense of purpose and becomes determined to find out what happened to her. The town is happy to put it down to suicide, but then one night Aidan gets a message, scratched in ice on his bedroom window: 'I didn't kill myself.' Who is contacting him? And if Sláine didn't end her own life ... who did?
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Hoax for Hire Laura Martin, 2019-08-27 Goonies meets the humor and heart of Gordon Korman in this new adventure full of nonstop action and spot-on humor from the critically acclaimed author of Float. The McNeil family has always been professional hoaxers—tricking bystanders into believing they’re seeing legendary creatures like Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster. Unlike the rest of his family, twelve-year-old Grayson hates hoaxing and wants nothing to do with the business—even when the McNeils land a huge job and must pull off four sea monster hoaxes in a week. But when things go disastrously wrong and Dad and Gramps go missing, Grayson and his brother, Curtis, are the only people who can finish the job and save their family.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: The World Awaits Tomos Roberts (Tomfoolery), 2021-07-22 The second inspiring picture book from the creators of The Great Realisation.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: The Littlest Reindeer Brandi Dougherty, 2017 Dot is the littlest reindeer at the North Pole. Too little to jump. Too little to kick. And too little to fly with Santa. But she's not too little to help save the day!--Back cover.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: What Is a Virus? Katie Daynes, 2021-02-24 A really hands-on introduction to a topical and currently important subject. It explains the way viruses spread, where they come from and how they work, answering a children's questions with fun, interactive flaps.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: The Story of Jesus Jane Werner Watson, 2007-01-09 An introduction to Jesus for very young children -- a perfect gift for the holiday season! A gentle look at Jesus's birth, childhood, teachings, crucifixion, and resurrection. Written in a simple, warm style, with colorful illustrations that will captivate and inspire.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Enchanted , 2018-12-15 Holly Jorgensen lives simply and close to the earth, with passion, serenity, and mindfulness. In Enchanted, she shares her secrets-antidotes to that pressure to buy, buy, buy. Whether rescuing junk or discovering life lessons from a half-wild mustang, a totem pole, or legendary musicians, Holly pursues true value-grace and grit rather than status and glitz. Her stories speak of the circle of life, from using discarded objects to transform a neglected property into a beloved homestead, to her friendships with wild critters-even fish! Holly's intimate nature photography and pictures of upcycled projects reveal how embracing imperfection can free us to live a more joyfully green and frugally rich life.
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: The Night Before Christmas Clement C. Moore, 2015-09-29 A refreshing spin on the classic Christmas poem, featuring funny, over the top illustrations. In this hysterical version of “The Night Before Christmas,” David Ercolini’s over-the-top illustrations will have readers saying, “Ho! Ho! Ho!” Creatures of all shapes and all sizes will be stirring with laughter in this overly decked out, Christmas-splendored illustrated picture book! Ercolini breathes new life into an unrivaled classic with his vibrant illustrations featuring fun, accessible scenes of holiday mayhem and spirited cheer. It’s “The Night Before Christmas” as you’ve never seen it before!
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Twas the Night Before Christmas: a Visit from St. Nicholas Clement Clarke Moore, 2021-11-30 With it's first lines: 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;', this is arguably one of the best known Christmas poems. Also known as 'A Visit from St. Nicholas', it was first published anonymously in 1823. Clement Clarke Moore claimed authorship of it in 1837. The poem itself tells of a family settling in for the night when the father hears noises outside. Looking out, he sees Santa Claus in his sleigh pulled by reindeer, and was originally published in 1912. When Father Mouse is awakened on Christmas Eve by a clatter outside his window, he catches a glimpse of the one and only Santa Claus! Father Mouse can hardly believe his eyes as he watches St. Nick come down the chimney with a pack full of toys. In this amusing twist on the classic poem by Clement C. Moore, Daniel Kirk reimagines the story from a fresh perspective--and readers of Kirk's Library Mouse series may discover a familiar friend, too!
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: The Zombie Night Before Christmas Cider Mill Press, 2014-10-07 The classic Christmas poem re-imagined and reanimated! ‘twas the night before Christmas And all through the house The zombies were stirring… Why worry about the Grinch when you’ve got ZOMBIES on the attack! Their prey? America’s best-loved Christmas poem. Get ready to have a holly jolly zombie holiday with this monstrously funny mash-up that subverts all that tiresomely good Christmas cheer. Clement C. Moore’s verses are tweaked and twisted, turning a once-cozy fireside read-aloud on its (now brainless) head. To complete the sacrilege: hilarious renderings of zombie stockings (undead legs!) hung by the chimney with care, and St. Nick attempting to repel a full-out, flesh-devouring zombie attack. One thing’s for sure—Santa and his eight tiny reindeer will never be the same!
  twas the night before christmas covid funny version: Twas the Night Before Christmas: A Visit from St. Nicholas Clement C. Moore, 2014-03-13 Twas the Night Before Christmas: A Visit from St. Nicholas By Clement C. Moore. Amid the many celebrations last Christmas Eve, in various places by different persons, there was one, in New York City, not like any other anywhere. A company of men, women, and children went together just after the evening service in their church, and, standing around the tomb of the author of A Visit from St. Nicholas, recited together the words of the poem which we all know so well and love so dearly. Dr. Clement C. Moore, who wrote the poem, never expected that he would be remembered by it. If he expected to be famous at all as a writer, he thought it would be because of the Hebrew Dictionary that he wrote.